Breaking the Bro Code: who’s off-limits?

Obviously I’m a girl so the ‘Bro Code’ doesn’t exactly apply. But are there still some people that are totally off-limits? This post and a few others coming up will share some situations. I want to know what you think.

My girlfriend called me at 5 am to pick her up. She’d gone to the bar with some friends, met a guy, and spent the whole night talking to this guy. They went back to his place to hang out.

Long story short, one of the girls stayed over and slept with the guy my friend had been talking to all night. I’m not sure whether this girl was too drunk to notice, but she slept with the guy my friend was talking to.

Fair game or off-limits?

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Let the fear in

In the first episode of the show “Lost” (no spoilers, I haven’t seen the whole thing yet), Jack tells Kate about his first time in the operating room.

He’d almost finished a spinal procedure when he made a mistake that could have been fatal for the patient.

“The terror was just so crazy,” he said,  “so real, and I knew I had to deal with it. So I just made a choice. I’d let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for five seconds. That’s all I was gonna give it. So I started to count. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Then it was gone. I went back to work, sewed her up, and she was fine.”

Did you get that?

“I’d let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for five seconds. That’s all I was going to give it.”

This stuck with me for some reason. I haven’t been in any situations where the stakes were that high, but I’ve tried this a couple of times.

Once when I was in a bad mood about life and being lonely, I decided I’d be in a bad mood until I reached my apartment. I parked my car and walked to the door, then put on some happy music and got busy. I changed my mood, and it was definitely for the better. I’ve done this a couple of times now. The tricky part is you have to have strong enough willpower to beat out how you’re feeling (crappy, sad, etc.).

I was journaling the other night, and it was getting to be a bit of a downer. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about relationships and where I’m at, and trying to heal so I can be in the best place possible. It’s important to journal, and I don’t think it was bad, but at the end I needed a pick-me-up. Here’s what I wrote:

Don’t think like that. You are strong and beautiful and sexy, and guys want you. And more importantly, you’re a fighter. So it doesn’t matter how you feel; you’re going to get off your ass, stand to your feet, and fight. Fight hard.

I don’t always feel this way, but I want to act the right way even if I’m not feelin’ it.

Has anyone else found success in controlling their emotions?

xo Autumn Lovitt

Would you like to go for drinks sometime?

His question took me completely by surprise.

This evening I went to a birthday party for my friend’s friend. I’d met this guy a couple of times before, too, so it wasn’t totally random.

It was a casual house party, lots of conversations and hanging out. It was good. But then, when it was time to leave, I went to find the birthday boy. He was behind the house by a campfire with a couple other people.

“I’ll walk you to the house,” he said, then said something even more surprising. “Can I send you a text sometime? I’d like to go for drinks.”

This was a surprise to me. I hadn’t picked up on any vibes.

I said yes, then changed it to a maybe – which is awkward, but I’m not interested. How do I say that without being a jerk?

And on his birthday, too – that’s not even fair.

What should I have done? What do I do if he tries to get in touch?

Twists and turns

Life is confusing sometimes. Like, how can I be in love with someone and getting over a breakup at the same time?

And how can that all be happening, and I meet someone and there’s somehow a spark? I don’t even WANT to feel anything ever again. It just hurt way too much.

And yet, that’s how it goes.

Cheers to anyone who has gotten through a broken heart!

If you missed the first part of my story and don’t want to read the end before the beginning, read yesterday’s post about how I failed to protect my heart when I started hanging out with my coworker a few months ago.

Hanging out with this guy got very tricky. I liked him so much, but the last conversation we had about our status had been weeks before.

A coworker convinced me I needed to talk to him – and truth be told,  not knowing if he was on the same page as me was starting to drive me nuts. I suffered through it for a while, but then I just had to know. My intention was originally to have the conversation in person, but using the phone meant it wouldn’t be quite so uncomfortable if he didn’t feel the same way.

I texted him as I was leaving my day job, asking if he was free. I told him I wanted to talk about something important.

“You’re not pregnant are you??” he said.

That made me smile.  I guess my lead-in wasn’t what it could have been. (Also if I was pregnant, there’s no way I’d answer that question via text.)

So I called him up, we chatted for a few minutes first, and then I pushed my fear aside and told him how I felt. It didn’t take long. I said I wanted more and wasn’t sure where he was at.

And then …

He said what I was really hoping he wouldn’t say. He’s not in the same place as me. It’s not a good time for him. He’s doing a lot of traveling this year and long distance is hard. And we work together.

Shut.

Down.

We have fun together, and he’s okay with that, but he’s not interested in more.

I can’t be upset, because I’m the one who broke our arrangement about being just friends. It just hurts a lot. He suggested that maybe we shouldn’t hang out for a little while (wouldn’t help).

“I realize this isn’t what you wanted to hear,” he said. He was sorry about that.

It was probably good that I had to work right away, or I probably would have gone home and shut my brain off. Instead I swallowed my tears, put on my apron, and got moving. I had a few hours of distraction before the pain really set in.

“Cheers to anyone who has gotten through a broken heart,” my friend posted on Facebook a few weeks ago.

At the time – and still right now – I feel exactly the same way.

Straight into the danger zone

So me and this guy have been hanging out since we started working together at the end of May. Before you start thinking anything about dating a coworker: it’s a serving job, we’re both part time, and we rarely work together because I have a different day job and he has a different evening job.

Anyway, we started hanging out right after meeting. We get along great, enjoy a lot of the same things, etc. We had a great time together.

Then he kissed me, and I made a move I’m still wishing I didn’t.

We had The Talk, and I told him I can’t get into a relationship right now. He was okay with this and we agreed while that being ‘just friends,’ we could still have some fun.

We definitely had fun, aside from playing soccer,  But it was more couple-y fun than just a couple of bang buddies. He or I would stay over, we would cuddle and watch movies, and so on. Man, I had such a good time with this guy.

And then I realized that a) I’ve never had sex with someone when it didn’t mean something emotionally, b) I really think he’s an awesome guy, and c) shit – he’s not going to be the one getting hurt this time around. No sir, this time that was going to be me.

By the time I realized what was happening to my heart, I think it was too late. There are steps you can take to keep yourself from falling in love (sounds like an upcoming blog post), but I didn’t take ’em.

Nope, I traipsed happily onto treacherous ground without thinking it through.

Have you ever done this? Realized too late you let your heart go too far? The rest of this story is coming soon.

A relationship shouldn’t suck

Recently I had a conversation with a friend who has a girlfriend.

He said that being in a relationship is more work than being single.

“Most of the stresses I deal with,” he said, “have to do with my relationship with my girlfriend.”

“You’re doing it wrong,” I said, then listed the reasons why being single is harder:

Why being single isn’t awesome:
1. It’s stressful. All the concerns and thoughts of, “Does he like me?” “Is that really a signal or does she want to be friends?” and so on, not to mention actually going on dates. Is he going to try for a kiss? How do I tell him I don’t want to go out again?

2. It’s lonely. Probably one of the biggest perks of a relationship is having that person who’s your best friend who you can tell about your day, rant to, and laugh with. It’s also handy having a built-in someone to be your date to weddings, work parties, and family events.

3. Sex. When someone gets out of a relationship, especially a long one, it seems like they’re encouraged to “get out there.” The idea is that somehow they’ve been missing out on all the crazy awesome sex out there. I’d like to argue with that idea. Sleeping with strangers is uncertain at best and dangerous at worst. There’s always the option of doing it with your friends, but that brings a new set of challenges (lots more on that coming soon).

Confession: when this conversation took place, I was very lonely and pretty biased against being single. So what do you think? Do you agree that relationships are more stressful than being single? Tell me why.