If you missed the first part of my story and don’t want to read the end before the beginning, read yesterday’s post about how I failed to protect my heart when I started hanging out with my coworker a few months ago.
Hanging out with this guy got very tricky. I liked him so much, but the last conversation we had about our status had been weeks before.
A coworker convinced me I needed to talk to him – and truth be told, not knowing if he was on the same page as me was starting to drive me nuts. I suffered through it for a while, but then I just had to know. My intention was originally to have the conversation in person, but using the phone meant it wouldn’t be quite so uncomfortable if he didn’t feel the same way.
I texted him as I was leaving my day job, asking if he was free. I told him I wanted to talk about something important.
“You’re not pregnant are you??” he said.
That made me smile. I guess my lead-in wasn’t what it could have been. (Also if I was pregnant, there’s no way I’d answer that question via text.)
So I called him up, we chatted for a few minutes first, and then I pushed my fear aside and told him how I felt. It didn’t take long. I said I wanted more and wasn’t sure where he was at.
And then …
He said what I was really hoping he wouldn’t say. He’s not in the same place as me. It’s not a good time for him. He’s doing a lot of traveling this year and long distance is hard. And we work together.
We have fun together, and he’s okay with that, but he’s not interested in more.
I can’t be upset, because I’m the one who broke our arrangement about being just friends. It just hurts a lot. He suggested that maybe we shouldn’t hang out for a little while (wouldn’t help).
“I realize this isn’t what you wanted to hear,” he said. He was sorry about that.
It was probably good that I had to work right away, or I probably would have gone home and shut my brain off. Instead I swallowed my tears, put on my apron, and got moving. I had a few hours of distraction before the pain really set in.
“Cheers to anyone who has gotten through a broken heart,” my friend posted on Facebook a few weeks ago.
At the time – and still right now – I feel exactly the same way.